New Years Eve 2009

It's hard to believe this was only 2yrs ago... I miss you so much Roxanne

Putting myself back together...

What a whirlwind this last week has been! The week before Christmas was so amazing being able to spend time with my family, I cant even begin to describe how much fun it was. But then we got a phone call, my aunt Roxanne (who is really a second cousin, but that just sounds wrong to say.. she was an Aunt to me!) had been getting worse by the minute and she was going to be put on hospice care. She had been battling cancer and was losing, the Dr had given her less than a month. We made our trek up to Daly City to see her one last time and say our goodbyes before she left us too soon. I will never forget putting Emma in front of her and Roxanne smiling and stroking her leg, saying how she remembered picking out the Minnie Mouse dress I had put her in. Roxanne was on heavy duty morphine and hadnt been responding much or was even coherent enough to give a straight response and to have her recognize my daughter and to actually say "i remember" was the most meaningful last moment I could have ever asked for. We knew she didnt have much time left and with a heavy heart we said our I love yous and goodbyes. Fast forward two days to Emmas first Christmas, it was so fun and so special.. she was surrounded by family and a TON of gifts!! The day was great but also sad, I knew that the next morning my Aunt and cousin from Kentucky would be going home. They were the BIGGEST help to me with Emma and I loved having them here so much! That night I broke down and couldnt stop sobbing, what was I going to do without them!? The dreaded next morning came and it was time to say goodbye, I had to make it quick or I would lose it again. My eyes were swollen and bruised from all the crying the night before. They left and I sunk deep, how was I going to do this all on my own?? I spent the majority of the day in tears, not just crying, but sobbing. Somehow I made it through still alive and then we got the call..... check facebook. Nani had been on and wanted to know what happened with Roxanne. We hadnt heard anything so we assumed nothing had happened. Wrong. How awful it was to find out your family member had lost their battle with cancer on facebook!! Where was our phone call!? Where was the decency and the respect!? We were all incredibly hurt but even more devastated by the loss. Roxanne was finally at peace with her husband and her mom (my Auntie Val, who Emma is named after) and thats truly what Roxanne had wanted, to be reunited with the people who meant the most to her. Its what I can take comfort in through this tragedy. I miss her so much and to be honest, it still doesnt even feel real. I still feel like ill be seeing her tonight for New Years Eve and then I remember she is no longer with us and the grieving starts all over again. Its been the most intense week ever, im still a bit of a mess but slowly im trying to put myself back together...

Holiday cheer

Its really been so amazing having my family here, I miss having them around so much!! The last few nights have been spent just hanging out and playing games with my cousins, its seriously one of my favorite things in the whole wide world to do! Its not often that it happens, usually just on holidays or summer days with my cousins here but having Kait and Michael here from Kentucky makes it even better!! This holiday season is about family cheer, it warms my heart and soul... I wish every Christmas could be like this. I dont need any presents, all I need is this

Welcome to my life...

Here goes this whole blogger thing, well see how long I stick with it this time!! Ive had this blog since 2009 but decided to delete all my old posts and start new again, there were some not so fun memories on here that I didnt want to re live and didnt want everyone to be able to read. So how about it? Welcome to my life... I guess well start where my life had the biggest change, October 23 2011 at 5:50pm I gave birth to my daughter, Emma Valerie Jimenez. 7lbs 13oz 20.5in of pure agony (the birth not her!). Hardest 3 hours of my life, soon to be followed by the next 18 hardest years of my life! Its been a huge adjustment taking care of her. As a nanny im used to taking care of babies, but im also used to getting off at 6pm and going home to my own life. Not anymore! This is my life now... 24/7 exhaustion. Weve had our fun moments but for the most part its been incredibly difficult. Emma has terrible colic, bad reflux and horrendous gas pains, just screams her poor little head off all day and night. She is finally seeing a gastro specialist this week so hopefully well get some answers and solutions instead of trying out all these different possibilities! I havent been working since March of this year, I suppose it was a blessing as I was able to rest and have a successful pregnancy, but I lost everything and went into terrible debt. Its a stress that I cant even begin to try to handle. Im now looking to return to work again next month. Hopefully I can find another great nanny job or even a receptionist position at a spa again... I just need something to keep me from drowning. Right now its the holidays and my family is here from Kentucky... I couldnt be happier!! Its been SO long since ive had them here for Christmas!! All of my family will be here Christmas Day.. thats the best present I could ever ask for!! So for now im off to do some CHristmas stuff and take care of my kid... hopefully ill be back on here soon! Cheers